Sleepless
by BrokenWingsCarryYouFurther
Summary: After Roxas' defection, Axel finds it difficult to sleep, mourning the loss of his best friend. T for Language. Drabble. Oneshot. R


Sleepless

Disclaimer: I don't own Kingdom Hearts

***POSSIBLE DAYS SPOILERS AHEAD, WARNING JUST TO BE SAFE***

In the past week since Roxas' and Xion's defections, the white castle of the World That Never Was had been unusually quiet. Heartless had been hiding, remaining quiet and inactive, granting the denizens of the ever-dark World some relative peace.

Right now, Kingdom Hearts twinkled with the yellow glow of thousands upon thousands of hearts collected from various Heartless on various Worlds, a solid blue outline defining the oversized heart.

The Nobodies had been solemn and reserved, thoughtful, because not a one of them had ever imagined Roxas would leave. Never. With Xion it had been different. She had disappeared on more than one occasion and had been returned each time.

Now the only two Nobodies who could collect hearts so that the Organization could harness their power were gone, leaving nothing behind for anyone to remember them by except memories that would eventually fade until they ceased to be important to their owner. Only one of the castle's residents had received something: a WINNER stick, something that they had searched for vigorously until two or three weeks before the defections.

Axel had not slept well since.

Lying on his bed, which lacked blankets, he stared up at his ceiling with tired green eyes, wishing for sleep to let him escape the strange tightness in his chest. He vaguely remembered the feeling from his days as a Somebody, and it had never been his favorite feeling because it was one of the few that could overwhelm a person and leave them in the depths of their despair with nothing, not even a light, to guide them out.

Axel was _lonely._

Not even a week had passed since Roxas had brushed him off as he left the World That Never Was, and Axel felt like a Heartless was yanking at his nonexistent heartstrings in a very persistent and irritating way. He didn't know why he could feel it. By all rights, he was supposed to be emotionless, because Nobodies like him weren't supposed to have emotions anymore. They were as cold and cruel as it was possible for anyone to be because they simply could not _feel_. All they could do was sift through old memories, recalling their lost emotions, and wonder _why_ they could remember what emotions felt like, but not feel them.

Nobodies like him weren't supposed to exist, hence why there was never any trace of them when they finally 'died'.

Axel didn't like to think of death. It reminded him of Roxas too much.

Roxas had been odd for a Nobody. Nothing like him had ever been seen, because Roxas _had_ been able to feel. At least, that's what Axel thought. None of the other Organization members had believed the theory, dismissing it as a heap of bullshit.

_Where do Nobodies go when they die?_

He liked to think he'd be reborn as Roxas' best friend if he did die. After all, the hope of a life after death was a better prospect than endless nothingness. Roxas had a next life, and was sure to have one after that in a never-ending cycle that Axel wished he could join because this tightness was unbearable.

He sighed and sat up, rubbing his sore and tired green eyes, trying to wake up because sleep was obviously out of the question. Kingdom Hearts was visible from his bedroom window, the hearts winking like fireflies, and he closed his eyes hoping to soothe them.

"Roxas…." He murmured, "Why did you have to leave?"

It had been painful. So painful to watch him leave without a backwards glance.

And it had been his fault, too.

Had he not deceived him so often… if he had just answered his question…

"**Why did the Keyblade choose me? I have to know."**

_Why didn't I tell you?_ _Why couldn't I stop being a huge coward for a minute?_

"I thought… I thought best friends were supposed to… be inseparable." He said, pressing the heels of his hands to his forehead in frustration. He remembered the exact day he had told Roxas and Xion this.

He remembered seeing Xion's still form on her bed, Roxas holding a silent vigil over her. He remembered telling Roxas that best friends were worth the extra trouble

"**You can't turn on the Organization! You get on their bad side and they'll destroy you!"**

It had been a warning. He knew that if Roxas left—really left—he, as the assassin in the Organization, would be sent to retrieve him.

Or kill him.

"Why would you do something so _stupid?_"

"**No one would miss me."**

He knew that line was because of him. After his last retrieval of Xion, relations between Roxas and Axel hadn't been the same. Roxas felt he could no longer be trusted.

And he was right.

"Haven't I told you how much you mean to me? Dammit, Roxas! Dammit! I thought I told you. I told you best friends were worth the effort!" Axel turned and punched the headboard, and was satisfied to feel a couple of his knuckles crack.

"**That's not true! I would."**

_Why hadn't he said that louder? Why hadn't he told him?_

"Where are you?" Axel hissed, punching the headboard with his other fist. More cracks, this time in his hand.

Axel's plan had backfired. The pain in his broken bones wasn't blocking out thoughts he wished he wasn't having.

"DAMMIT!!" Axel swore. "Roxas! ROXAS!"

***

The glow of a dim lamp lit a bedroom full to the brim with books, toys, and electronics and the sleeping face of a boy who had no memories to haunt him. He sighed softly, content, and rolled over, his blankets sliding off his bed and onto the hardwood floor.

**********

A/N: More angst =.=

I hope I'll get a good idea for a chapter story soon, though I enjoy writing these oneshots. They kind of make me feel better after playing 358/2 Days. I started bawling when I saw what Roxas had left for Axel.


End file.
